It's not fair that Vanessa didn't get to join in with me and my parents at my birthday dinner. It's not fair she didn't get to go shopping with me and my mom over the weekend. Why should we all get to have "fun" while Vanessa lies in her hospital bed, surrounded by sterile concrete walls, and the view of the cold November skies, while poison (that is supposed to be helping her) is being pumped into her? She doesn't deserve this, no one deserves the sentence she was given.
The feelings inside me are unexplainable. It's rage, it's sadness, it's hope all mixed into one ball that is lumped inside me. Currently, I am listening to solo piano radio on Pandora and it feels like a roller coaster ride. The ups and downs, the build up, the release, and the coasting yet it gives me a sense of calmness as tears roll down my face. I say everyday still, this should be me; I want to take it all in and away from her.
I ordered a book called "It's Good to Know a Miracle: Dani's Story: One Family's Struggle with Leukemia" as well today. For as much as I have read over and over, I think it's time that I read something that isn't based off of stats. I think it's unfair to compare Vanessa to other cancer patients because she is her own living self that God has His own individual plan for. What do some other persons stats have to do with her? Then I catch myself saying, "Hell, someone has to be that percentage that makes it through this war zone." Not for a second would I wish the emotions that go with what my family and I are feeling upon anyone!
As I close out today I will leave you with a piece that I feel is very fitting:
Philip Glass
Metamorphosis
I'm simply blown away that you listened to and chose a classical piece, let alone that you'd even know who Philip Glass is or find his music! I'm proud of you! ♥♥♥
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